the first of many

     Well I am sitting basically doing nothing on a Saturday night.  I have tapped every web 2.0 app that I can in order to amuse myself and still did not find any satisfaction.  I am spontaneous and random most of the time.  My moods and thought flow like the tide.  I am a forty something trans who has decided to put off transition indefinately as I will stay with my family.  I will say that I was ever so close and then a blog post turned it around for me.  I really have to hand it to Cali, a woman who I will probably never meet in person, who I will probably never talk too, who completely changed my life or at least the life I know.  Yes I am married, yes I have kids, and yes I am successful in the world.  I am doing the best I can with what I have.  I hold it together most days, and suffer many others.  In the end I do not know what I will do, I would like to say I will stay the coarse, but at times I say I would like to make a 180 and feel complete. 

What does it mean to be complete, and does one have to transition to do it.  Many will say yes and a few will say no.  Only the individual knows what is right for them, I believe we know what is right, but try to do what is acceptable.  I will share my thought on my transition and my life in general.  Lets see where it all goes...