January 17, 2012

Being Transsomething

Can you beat it?  I used to think that this was a death sentence or at least a prison sentence with no hope of parole.  I do know that it is a very slippery slope to say the least, but yes it can be beaten. 

At one time I was well on my way towards transition.  My earliest memories were of a little boy who desire to be a little girl.  My favorite story I shared with my counselor was when I was 8 I had save up $200 and some change for a sex change operation after watching an episode Donahue.  And for someone who was raised below the poverty line in the 70s, 200 was a whole lot of money.  My counselor and my psychiatrist both said I should transition as I would be a whole lot happier with life.  I only had one hold up, and that was my family and my dedication to them.  Having been raised in a broken home, I swore to myself that my 3 kids would not grow up without a father, as I felt I was cheated in a big way.  This is all coming from a child whose theme song is “what about me.” So any way I could go on with convincing you who I am or was, but that’s not the subject matter.  The subject matter is can it be beaten…the short answer is yes.  Can you keep your sanity, again yes you can.  How does one slay the dragon, well that’s not so easy…

First you have to understand who you are, and you have to be able to be honest with yourself and if you can’t well then continue to read for fun and mock me at the end.  Next you need to have an understanding of how the brain works and how it can be changed.  I know neuroscience isn’t an easy subject, but I am not asking you to get a degree in it, just read a little bit more than the average person.  Shoot you may not have to even read, there are some good podcasts out there that will fill in for the reading.    Along those lines you also need to be well read in human sexuality, which if you are here, then I would imagine that you are, and so check that one off your list.  You will also need motivation to make the change, no motivation, then what’s the point?  You also need to believe that you can change and you can beat this, I think this goes along with the whole motivation thingy, but I am writing this from the hip, and am not a professional…well I am a nurse, but not a psychiatric one.  Lastly I believe you need a support system; here is the challenge as your support system needs to be outside of the gender community.  Lastly you need good health – nutrition and exercise fill the bill here.  As you can see, this is not a take the pill and be done, it is a complex process which I will dole out over the next several weeks.  Also I am sure to add to this list, as I am absent minded and am sure I forgot something. 

So as a recap, brain workings will include conditioning, addiction, and biochemical processes.  Human sexuality, well we need you to read / skim some articles on autogynophelia.  Real term or not, many of the ideas behind this vilified word are true, whether you want to believe them or not.  The republican gender variants vilified this word a long time ago to discredit it for their own means, so we need to be a bit open-minded here.  Motivation for the change, the best one I can give out is your relationship with your immediate family and world for that matter.  Don’t have a relationship well then move on into transition; I would have just for the pleasure of it-yes that what it is a pleasure.  Non-gender issued support system, which to me is a hard one to break free of.  See you have these folks around you who understand something that no one else does; well they are also a catalyst for it…think about it.  Who else tells you how good you look and that you can pass and do the impossible?  Exactly!  Health and nutrition, well for the body and mind to run effectively you need to exercise and you need to eat right, don’t have enough of one nutrient or another well then you are not in balance.  If you’re not in balance well you can’t get through it.

So then, the last paragraph I wrote could be a great road map, to helping you get going to what you need to do.  I can say I have been off hormones for a couple years now.  I have not dressed up for over a year, and I am 90% happy with how things are.  Do I think about it, yes I do.  Does it consume me, it does not.  If I were more disciplined do I think I could eradicate it, well I think I could get my happiness quotient up to 95 to 98, but that’s another story.  I also believe that social media is the reason for the rise in gender disparity.  I believe that what many of us think is real is not.  You cannot be a close minded idiot and accomplish anything, at least anything worthwhile.

What say you?

January 06, 2012

People who touch our lives

      As I begin the New Year I look back at the old and think of the many accomplishments that I have.  Some things others may not consider accomplishments, but everything you try in life is that an accomplishment.  Succeed or fail, you have still tried and then learned from the action.  Sometimes we try to avoid things and we succeed at avoiding them, which to is an accomplishment if that is truly the goal.  Along the way we need help with our journey and we wander upon a stranger who guides us on our path.  This person may point the way, offer an encouraging word, or even pick us up and carry us some part of the journey.
     I have many that have a special place in my heart; I hope they realize who they are, although some may not.  I do try to go out of my way to provide them with an extra special thank you, an extra kind word, and I do in the back of my mind hold them dear so that if they ever should need anything I could run to their side and repay the debt and help them with something they may need.  I do not know why I feel as if I am indebted to them, as I would imagine they do not feel the same, that I need to repay anything to them.  The do what they do, because they are kind and wonderful human beings.  They are what we all should be and what we all should strive for.  I believe everyone, even the most vile person has some kind of kind heart it is just lost, and has been lost due to some set of circumstances along the way. 
     Maybe this kindness is an energy that flows through us all and stay within balance, as it falls in one, another possess more.  I would like to call it “love” but for me that word means something else, so I cannot, you may this energy that if you may, some may attribute this kindness to an otherworld deity, I am not a religious person so again I do not attribute it to that.  Push me a bit and I will say that I do believe in a type of guardian angel, I can say that my life has been off course at times and has had to be reset, and by some means it gets reset-that would be my guardian angel.  I do not give mine as much credit as I should, but I do thank her quietly from time to time as it is overly apparent what she does. 
     Without getting too corny I would like to reference the song “Angles Among Us” I always shed a couple of tears when that song is on the radio and if you have never heard it, I highly recommend you take 3+ minutes and sit and listen to it once.  It is a very touching song.
     So people who touch our lives are very important in the grand scheme of things.  I am very blessed as I have many in my life who will provide course corrections so that I may do what I need to do.  If you are one of those course correcting angels, thank you very much from the bottom of my heart, I sincerely appreciate what you do and so do others.  If you are in need of an angel and one hasn’t touched you in the way you would expect, well then you have a few options that I can present.  One option is to hold on a bit longer, maybe your line number is a high one, and all requests are answered in the order received.  Another option is to seek someone out, just ask them for some guidance, I have found this works for me, and when you do receive help, be appreciative, and pay it back to that person and others around you.  Third option is help someone else out while you are waiting, maybe your good deed will move you up in line.  Lastly do not do nothing, I know this conflicts a bit with number one, but if you have been waiting and waiting, and nothing has happened, well then maybe you have already received your direction and chosen to ignore it, or maybe you didn’t need the help you thought, if so seek out someone else, bounce your options off of them and see what they say, many times the answer is right in front of you.  Lastly never ever give up life is too special and there is so much to believe in, if you can’t get the answer you need, ask me I have some debt I can repay with kindness to others. 
Have a great New Year