January 15, 2011


This story was posted on another blog (Lost in Transgender) and I found it to be a very poignant story and a story of things not necessarily considered. The story is "Runaway Train" and can be found at:


The brief synopsis is about someone who transitioned at an early age and believe it to be a mistake. She makes the best out of what she has gone through, but does have regret. As I read the story I saw some of myself in the story at certain points and could even project myself to see how I could feel as she did in the end.

Now I will say that the story has some odd questions to where it came from or how it originated, or if it is even real. Real or not, the story should cause one to stop and reflect. If it makes you think just a little, consider something you have not before, then it was worth it, if not, well it was a light read.

Again there are so many success stories and you can do it stories out there, but you never ever hear of those who regret, why is that? I can so bet there are many more out there who do regret the whole thing and wish they too would have gotten off the train before it reached its destination. They wished they too could have pulled the cord.

I am by no means saying that you the reader are on this path, but it is a serious question you need to ask yourself. Unfortunately you will never know the answer unless you get on the train. My theory on it, is if in doubt (even a little) then don't. You have made it as far as you have on the current path, why not continue? Why not take side trips to genderville from time to time, but not build a house there. With that, there are some that might find genderville is a place that they should live, so build your house upon that rock and take joy in it. But should you build you house on the sand in genderville it will come crashing down. My question is what is the rock and what is the sand? The sand are those who build on cloths, those who take pictures and pose.

Building on the rock, well only those who build can tell. I cans say my life probably won't end up that way.

Enough with analogies, and prose. I think I have come close, but not hit this one on the nose...

Read the story, reflect on your own, let me know how you feel or even if you think its real.

OK I'll stop with the rhyme.....


January 04, 2011

a new year

Well its a new year and new expectations await. I have taken a bit of time off up till now and really don't know why. I want to say it is because I had nothing really to say. I watched many from afar and would occasionally put a comment in here or there. One thing I know is that my tide rise and fall still continues to happen, and there are sometimes when I can ignore it, and it will seemingly go away for a short time. At the same time when I am more active, then I think about the whole transition thing more. I am sure my wife would say, "well then just stay away!" Although that never works either. Sometimes I will max myself out on gender surfing and that also makes it so it has no power over me either. Can't seem to find that happy medium.

I see that autogynophelia (AGP) is starting to grab more attention on the blogosphere. I am seeing more TG going over to that camp. I must say that I have visited there too, and can find many similarities within myself in relating with that. I see that some gender challenged individuals really take issue with AGP and to me those are some of the ones who really need to look closer into themselves as I am sure they may find they relate more than they like too, although I am sure that is why they get so fired up with AGP.

For me in my real world, my job is a bore, and I am having challenges staying interested as I am not challenged and a lot of my work seems meaningless. I am applying for different positions in my organization and outside my organization. I will say that I will always look for those companies and leaders who are a bit more liberal, as you never know when the mood will strike to transition.

I don't think I will return to school, I am schooled out, although there are some fun things I would like to do. I did get an iPod for Christmas and I want to spend more time on that, although I already spend too much time playing "Angery Birds & Risk" both of which I have conquered.

Family life is ever busy, having three kiddos takes a lot of time with extracurricular activities. My kids are really world class, excelling in what they take on, they get much of their creativity and leadership from me, and it has served them all well. I will say that it will sometimes make things at home challenging with having all leaders in a room as no one wants to follow, and since I am the oldest I demand they follow me, although I still loose from time to time. I want to add it is getting more challenging with electronics and having smart kids around, and me not leaving a digital trail. I do often wonder if they know who I am, as it would not surprise me, and many times I have wanted to sit them down and explain it all, but I am afraid my wife would have kittens fall from her uterus if I did.

Well that's about it for now, my New Years resolutions? Well, loose 10 to 20 pounds, change careers, master my iPod and use it professionally, lastly maybe get out as my fem self, I haven't done that in over a year, but long too on rare occasion. Yes I should strive for four times a year, thats not too much I don't think, or is it?
As always thanks for taking the time, and showing interest. I do appreciate all the feed back provided. I appreciate you being there and sharing a part of you with me. I hope you have a great year also and I hope you accomplish what you set out too do.