April 12, 2010

Should I tell you not too...

Should I tell you no don't?

I wonder what are our rights as friends to tell another that they should not transition? We are always good to say, you look great, you would have no problem, you should transition! I have been told by many, all of these thing, and even though I hear them I still have my reservations and will proceed at my own pace. As much as I would like to talk about myself I am here for this question. Should I be able to tell a friend or even one of you, "you know, you should not transition, sorry" Wow, can you imagine hearing that. Imagine all of the feelings that would well up in you all at once. I would imagine that anger would be up there, probably one of the first emotions to come out, then denial, I can go on, but won't.

Why would I say such a thing, how about its based on a hunch. My hunch is based on what you have said, things you have done/not done, your actions, and lastly my knowledge base from what I know about transsexuals. I have a friend who has been divorced from his wife for a couple of years, has 3 kids (all young-oldest 12). She (her preferred pronoun) has had girlfriends off and on, settled down with one for quite some time also. She once made the statement that "if I wasn't pretty I so would not transition." She is moving forward with her transition and I would love to say "stop, don't do it, I see that you will regret it" Now I say I see it, I am not clairvoyant or anything, but get good hunches from time to time.

Now my hunches are based on the fact that that she really didn't act on her "feelings" for such a time and that she seems wishy/washy at times although to tell her, she will argue. Now I do know she was going to transition last year, when I was looking at it. She was like lets do it together we can provide each other support. I really liked that idea, and was game, but decided that I wasn't going too as you all know. Now I also know that if I told her not too, she might throw that back at me, and to some degree she would be somewhat correct as there is some bit of jealously in her transitioning now as I have decided not too. I think some of her drive comes from a desire to possess a female body as she is obsessed with it, she has vagina envy. I can say I have breast envy, that would be my favorite part. Is it normal to have a favorite part?

Here is my opinion and it is my opinion only. If you have the opportunity to transition and don't, then you really shouldn't. I know there are always circumstances, but she who hesitates, knows deep down that maybe something isn't right. If you need confirmation from others to transition to transition, also another strike against you. If you are relatively happy with the way things are at the moment, then don't transition...I was told once that you really shouldn't transition unless you would be suicidal if you didn't. Just because everyone else is doing it, well doesn't mean you have too. Find an alternative group of people like out group here. I once read by someone who transitioned that if you can live your life without transitioning then don't do it, as you loose way too much. If you have another underlying psychiatric issue then get a good grasp on that before transitioning. Also get everything done in prep before you do it, such as laser hair removal before actually transitioning, if you don't like that then don't. I would even say be on hormones for a bit before you jump into it. I would also recommend that you spend time out and about in the day time to get a feeling of how you will be perceived.

I can say its very easy to get caught up in the flow of the net that can convince you to transition, I have heard many tell others "oh you should so transition" and in another breath they mock this person. Remember the internet provides us with annonymity and there fore we can say what we want with no concern for others and have no consequences, so yes I am going to tell you what you want to hear, well me no, I am not, but many will, as they want to hear the same from you. I would say go on a low dose of hormones as they will sometimes fend off the desire, why is that well I am sure its something tied to the sexual aspect of the whole dressing/gender thing.

In the end the question is should I tell you to transition or not well, I suppose I am going to let you make the mistake (if it is one) for your self as you have convinced your self of this, and possibly convinced others that it is needed, so to challenge you is not a fight I would want to tangle as you have fooled professionals and my argument isn't as good as theirs. In the end though I will be there for you!

If you think this is you please think about it, if not then think about it too. Anyone, don't take this personal in any way, as it may not be about you and your vainess make you think its about you...don't you...don't you.
Ha your singing that song. Peace.


Anonymous said...

Interesting post Bree.
Personally I dont mind if people want to question my tranistion as if I cant handle questionsand put rationale arguments together then am I really ready?
It may point out things I hadent considered.
But I think there is possibly a fine line between offering constructive advise and being obstructive.

Anonymous said...

Hi Bree.. just surfed in to your site today, and this post I found very interesting and also poignant. I think, from past experience, that the community can be very "gung-ho" towards others at times, and it certainly is easy to become sucked in to a transition that may not be a good thing. And it definitely has to be a process.. I know I try to do things in a very deliberate and methodical way, not rushing (though it does get harder) and trying to make sure everything will be in place when I go full-time in January.

Calie said...

There are so many reasons for a person NOT to transition. I see it all the time.

Will never pass

The marriage will break up

Really is not a TS but more an autogynephiliac

Doesn't have a job

Can't afford a complete transition


Nevertheless, I will not tell afriend, outright, not to transition and, indeed, if a friend has begun transition, I will support her 100%.

I will help a friend to think it through, however.

As for me, I do need reminders from friends as to why I should NOT transition. I accept and cherish those reminders and anyone who does so I consider a true friend.

Nice post, Bree.

Calie xxx

馮智堯 said...