Since I have completed my masters degree (thank you all for the kind words, and congratulations) I have started to read a ton more. I am enjoying many different types of books, although most have to do with psychology and how technology intertwines with it. I will say that in the not so distant future I will do a study and try to publish something on the subject, just looking for that right thing. Anyway, I am reading a book titled Emotional Design why we love (or hate) everyday things. It is a really good read and I am learning a bit about myself along the way. One item that depressed me a bit was that the author started talking about how every one has items in their life that may not have much monetary worth, but has a lot of emotional worth, or has "visceral meaning" to them. I stopped and looked up from my book and pondered as my wife asked what I was thinking. I went on to say that I have nothing of emotional value to me, no trinkets, no baubles, no nothing. Now I value and cherish my family, but other than that there nothing. Now you I can say there are a few photos I cherish, but other than that I couldn't come up with much.
As I pointed this out, my wife presented her thoughts on it all. She related it to the fact that I had planned on leaving last summer and separated myself from everything and just never connected back. I can see that had some merit to it. She also brought up the fact that since I was in a car accident about 4 yrs ago I have had a few other issues and this one was made worse by that, not to mention this is when my gender issues really flared up, which in itself was a bit odd, but doing some quick research on reading further in my book I found that this is true and sometimes common, the issues with emotion and head injury, not gender. Anyway I got a bit sad, but thanks to current pharmacology was able to shake it pretty quickly.
I will say that with the time change and spring in the air I have been in a pretty decent mood, and hope to continue to do so, I am sure I will hold pretty strong, although June will be the test as it is the month for the last several years that I have had major issues with.
On with the book, one of the stories in the book was about a board, a plank really. A plank that is a foot wide and about 10 feet long. If you laid this plank on the ground and I asked you to walk across it, you could without hesitation, no questions. Now if I put the plank on a couple of chairs and again asked you to walk across it, you might again, but would be much more careful, and even though its the same plank would have some doubts. The next step was to take the plank and connect two thirty story buildings and ask you to walk across. Same plank, just a bit more elevated. Well this is where many stop and will not continue. The author makes the point that you would walk across it laying on the ground, so what is the difference? It is the perception of the fear you feel. I stopped and pondered again, and thought, that my actual transition is the plank that is 30 stories up in the air, yes I could walk across it, but the fear of falling is too great, and the chance that if I did fall and the consequences that would go with it would just be too great, so therefore I wouldn't or couldn't do it. What if I had a net? or What if my family were on the other side and I had to walk across, well then I could do it, but the outcome is different, the purpose is different too. Just something to think about. I am enjoying the book and there are many interesting analogies that I do enjoy, I am sure I will share more as I move through it.
I will also say that I am not getting online as much, in fact trying to stay off a bit and can say that has helped a bit, we'll see as time moves forward just how in all works out. Anyway thanks for being there, you are the greatest!