Well I thought I would show a bit of progression here, I took this photo about 5 years ago, right before I started hormones (2 yrs) and it has been one of my favorite pictures for some time. It was in this time period I really lost all focus on cloths and pictures and all of the "stuff" that goes into the gender thing and I really discovered who I was really. I have recently read some good blogs about the differences between fetishist, crossdressers, transgenders, and transsexuals. I came to actually admit to myself who I actually was. I always knew deep down inside, but never admitted it. How much different life would have been if I would have admitted it earlier and acted on it earlier. I only hope in 5 to 10 year more I have it settled, although I don't think I ever will.
I will say that although I do know who I am, I do still have doubts and still have my hesitations. I once asked a friend if the "noise" of gender goes away after transition, they responded that it does. I do wonder how that must feel, to never obsess over something so very much, to have a clear mind. I consider myself above average intelligence and really see that increased intelligence seems to run at a higher percentage in our group, what could we have accomplished if we didn't have to deal with the whole gender issue? I always compare it to your PC, when you first get it, the speed at which it processes if phenomenal and then over time it slows down. When you try to run different programs they open slower and don't respond as fast, and why, well other programs are running in the back ground to slow things down. We all have them, they are family, work, daily activities, life, relationships, and then there's this big program that has to chew up at least 50% or more of the processing resources, its called transsexualism. Imagine if your computer fixed the problem and it wasn't there any more? What could you do? Well that's it for me its late and I am tired, cold, and hungry.
Tomorrow is another day.
Love you all